Dear friends,
I've taken a break from blogland because I've had to deal with a changing health situation and a change in lifestyle, while outwardly trying to continue as if nothing has changed.
I know that I haven't been the same person that I once was for several years...it troubled me.....it frustrated me...it was depressing for me. I have sought the opinion of several doctors and naturopaths to try and come up with an explanation for all my "health" issues. Was it empty nest syndrome, was it menopause...was it something else????? It has been a long slow process, during which I have tried to be brave, tried to be cheerful, tried to be positive, tried to carry on as if nothing was wrong. On the outside ...nothing has changed...a few more gray hairs...a few more stubborn pounds. But JJ and a few close friends can attest...in the privacy of my home....I have been quite miserable and difficult to live with.
Recently, after another trip to the doctor, after months of massage therapy and chiropractic care (which did little to relieve symptoms), I was finally given a diagnosis. I have Myalgic Encephalomyelitis. It is also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It is a serious illness that affects the whole body; predominantly the neurological, endocrine and immune systems. It is characterized by overwhelming fatigue and a vast array of other symptoms that are often debilitating. It is different for every person, different from day to day, season to season and even from hour to hour. That is why it is so difficult to diagnose and why doctors monitor a person for a long time to rule out other possible causes of the symptoms.
Research has failed as of yet to identify a specific cause or trigger -they have only come up with a list. Again, it could be one or a combination of things. There is no cure...but there are several treatment options that may or may not work. There are coping strategies which are an important part of the treatment program. Informing and educating friends, family and coworkers is one of these strategies. That is what I'm doing in this blog....informing my blog friends.
So....how does this affect me.......well......and this is very hard for me .....as I am a private person when it comes to my health, my feelings......but I have been encouraged by my doctor to start by describing my symptoms to a dozen or so people, talk about it openly and hopefully some understanding and support will follow when I need it......then talk to more people....and so on.
.......there are times that I am incredibly, overwhelmingly tired.......I've fallen asleep at the computer....during lunch time at school....in the car (as a passenger).....in the afternoons... in the evenings. I've missed alot of work this year because I was just feeling like shit! I have had to give up doing many things because I get so fatigued and in pain after the simplest of tasks....not to mention I often have difficulty concentrating...like reading a book - completing my required schoolwork took me twice or three times as long to do as it did several years ago. I actually asked my doctor last September if I was getting Alzheimer's because I had such a word retrieval problem....difficult especially when I was teaching!! Often I sleep 10, 12, 14 hours a day yet I feel like I didn't sleep at all. Other nights I can hardly sleep due to the muscle and joint pain that I have had daily for several years. Some days during this past winter I couldn't even walk around town to walk the dog...it hurt that much. My blood pressure and body temperature have been out of whack for several years...sometimes up...sometimes down......and I often have a sore throat. I get dizzy...not good driving home. I have had different headaches (not migraines from which I have had all my life)....just a dull ache that sometimes goes on for days. My joints and muscles have given me the most difficulty over the past year...I hurt ....all the time......I have had muscle weakness especially in the hands....I feel really stupid and useless when I have to ask someone to open a bottle of water for me....sometimes I can't even open a doorknob...I have to switch hands. I had several falls this winter.....I cracked ribs on a fall while skating and knocked myself out falling on the road during the winter.....I now know they were both likely due to dizzy spells and co-ordination problems I sometimes experience....sometimes I feel like a can't even walk right. I have multiple chemical sensitivities and multiple food intolerances ....both are symptoms of M.E. I often experience sensory overload....so by the time that school is over all I want to do is come home and sit (fall asleep) in a quiet house. The scariest symptom has been the depression. It isn't a symptom of M.E. but it often goes hand in hand with it as does suffering from SAD (seasonal affective disorder). Feeling like crap all the time with no answers, not being able to do the things I once did has caused me to withdraw from social activities and situations......it is hard keeping up a front. I have felt overwhelmingly sad and sorry for myself at times....
So....those are the worst symptoms....some I have learned to accept....I've made lots of changes and accommodations in my life......but have a long way to go........accepting this and making the changes has not been easy...it is ongoing..........modifying my activity levels, crucial in managing symptoms has been the most difficult.......JJ has been very supportive, generous and helpful to me and I am so thankful for Nellie who loves me no matter what I can and can't do. She makes me laugh at her antics every day. I have a few friends that have been there when I needed help and check on me when I'm sick and overwhelmed by life and try to keep me smiling. This is the real reason I started the blog several months back...to connect with people without the judgement I was getting...then for a time it became just too hard to write and read even the blogs I have so enjoyed...so I decided a bit of a break to get through to the end of school (nearly there) .
The good news is I am on some new medication that has helped relieve the constant muscle and joint pain...at least for part of the day......and as long as I don't try to do too much....no more superwoman living in this house. I have to accept weeds in my flower beds.....dust bunnies in the corners......laundry that doesn't get done, the household projects that take weeks instead of hours to get done.... On a positive note.....I take more time to notice the dew drops on the leaves, the different birds that visit my garden, the changing skies..........
In closing..... thanks for taking the time to read this.......
Take care......wish me luck that I'll reach that plateau soon that chronic illness's tend to do....pray that research finds more treatments.......thanks for allowing me to share this.....I promise not to whine about it...that isn't in my nature..........keep well yourself.......I've lots of pictures to post of the garden and the new waterfall feature.........I'm happy to be back... Eileen
I know that I haven't been the same person that I once was for several years...it troubled me.....it frustrated me...it was depressing for me. I have sought the opinion of several doctors and naturopaths to try and come up with an explanation for all my "health" issues. Was it empty nest syndrome, was it menopause...was it something else????? It has been a long slow process, during which I have tried to be brave, tried to be cheerful, tried to be positive, tried to carry on as if nothing was wrong. On the outside ...nothing has changed...a few more gray hairs...a few more stubborn pounds. But JJ and a few close friends can attest...in the privacy of my home....I have been quite miserable and difficult to live with.
Recently, after another trip to the doctor, after months of massage therapy and chiropractic care (which did little to relieve symptoms), I was finally given a diagnosis. I have Myalgic Encephalomyelitis. It is also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It is a serious illness that affects the whole body; predominantly the neurological, endocrine and immune systems. It is characterized by overwhelming fatigue and a vast array of other symptoms that are often debilitating. It is different for every person, different from day to day, season to season and even from hour to hour. That is why it is so difficult to diagnose and why doctors monitor a person for a long time to rule out other possible causes of the symptoms.
Research has failed as of yet to identify a specific cause or trigger -they have only come up with a list. Again, it could be one or a combination of things. There is no cure...but there are several treatment options that may or may not work. There are coping strategies which are an important part of the treatment program. Informing and educating friends, family and coworkers is one of these strategies. That is what I'm doing in this blog....informing my blog friends.
So....how does this affect me.......well......and this is very hard for me .....as I am a private person when it comes to my health, my feelings......but I have been encouraged by my doctor to start by describing my symptoms to a dozen or so people, talk about it openly and hopefully some understanding and support will follow when I need it......then talk to more people....and so on.
.......there are times that I am incredibly, overwhelmingly tired.......I've fallen asleep at the computer....during lunch time at school....in the car (as a passenger).....in the afternoons... in the evenings. I've missed alot of work this year because I was just feeling like shit! I have had to give up doing many things because I get so fatigued and in pain after the simplest of tasks....not to mention I often have difficulty concentrating...like reading a book - completing my required schoolwork took me twice or three times as long to do as it did several years ago. I actually asked my doctor last September if I was getting Alzheimer's because I had such a word retrieval problem....difficult especially when I was teaching!! Often I sleep 10, 12, 14 hours a day yet I feel like I didn't sleep at all. Other nights I can hardly sleep due to the muscle and joint pain that I have had daily for several years. Some days during this past winter I couldn't even walk around town to walk the dog...it hurt that much. My blood pressure and body temperature have been out of whack for several years...sometimes up...sometimes down......and I often have a sore throat. I get dizzy...not good driving home. I have had different headaches (not migraines from which I have had all my life)....just a dull ache that sometimes goes on for days. My joints and muscles have given me the most difficulty over the past year...I hurt ....all the time......I have had muscle weakness especially in the hands....I feel really stupid and useless when I have to ask someone to open a bottle of water for me....sometimes I can't even open a doorknob...I have to switch hands. I had several falls this winter.....I cracked ribs on a fall while skating and knocked myself out falling on the road during the winter.....I now know they were both likely due to dizzy spells and co-ordination problems I sometimes experience....sometimes I feel like a can't even walk right. I have multiple chemical sensitivities and multiple food intolerances ....both are symptoms of M.E. I often experience sensory overload....so by the time that school is over all I want to do is come home and sit (fall asleep) in a quiet house. The scariest symptom has been the depression. It isn't a symptom of M.E. but it often goes hand in hand with it as does suffering from SAD (seasonal affective disorder). Feeling like crap all the time with no answers, not being able to do the things I once did has caused me to withdraw from social activities and situations......it is hard keeping up a front. I have felt overwhelmingly sad and sorry for myself at times....
So....those are the worst symptoms....some I have learned to accept....I've made lots of changes and accommodations in my life......but have a long way to go........accepting this and making the changes has not been easy...it is ongoing..........modifying my activity levels, crucial in managing symptoms has been the most difficult.......JJ has been very supportive, generous and helpful to me and I am so thankful for Nellie who loves me no matter what I can and can't do. She makes me laugh at her antics every day. I have a few friends that have been there when I needed help and check on me when I'm sick and overwhelmed by life and try to keep me smiling. This is the real reason I started the blog several months back...to connect with people without the judgement I was getting...then for a time it became just too hard to write and read even the blogs I have so enjoyed...so I decided a bit of a break to get through to the end of school (nearly there) .
The good news is I am on some new medication that has helped relieve the constant muscle and joint pain...at least for part of the day......and as long as I don't try to do too much....no more superwoman living in this house. I have to accept weeds in my flower beds.....dust bunnies in the corners......laundry that doesn't get done, the household projects that take weeks instead of hours to get done.... On a positive note.....I take more time to notice the dew drops on the leaves, the different birds that visit my garden, the changing skies..........
In closing..... thanks for taking the time to read this.......
Take care......wish me luck that I'll reach that plateau soon that chronic illness's tend to do....pray that research finds more treatments.......thanks for allowing me to share this.....I promise not to whine about it...that isn't in my nature..........keep well yourself.......I've lots of pictures to post of the garden and the new waterfall feature.........I'm happy to be back... Eileen
